Wednesday, October 12

writing a book

I was casually listening bbc world news while in my bed in Paris, when suddenly decided to write a book.
To be honest - none of this is true: I was in Paris for my B-day get away, not a casual visit (as if). You know, the thing you do when really don't want to get older? No? just me than. bbc world news was the only thing in english on 100channel TV in a hotel,  which we would run in a morning as part of our b-fast-shower-make up routine. Ech I already miss you, Paris.
Anyway, well spoken voice was trying to persuade to write a book in a month. Not a book - a novel.
Blog essentially is a novel. A novel of your life. And my life is my work. Mostly not by choice. Now, life of lithuanian girl reaching for the stars might not be most interesting read, but coloured with irony, struggles at work and hopeless lovelife - might be a nice memory to read. Nice might not be the word here though.

Monday, January 10


Books. What's your preference on them? Paper, audio or electronic? Fiction, non-fiction, fantasy, erotic, romantic novel, travel, biography etc.?
I have funny attitude to books. I very rarely enjoy fiction novel or actually any fictional literature. I do believe that the one should read book just so to learn something, get brand new knowledge or information. Travel guides - perfect, economic analysis books - great, a novel - isn't it a time waste? I'm not sure if this strong believe came from teen years of mine when literature lessons required a lot of reading. So did history lessons. Don't understand me wrong - I'm friends with books ( far from Bff though :)). But all that  reading of neurotic, depression infused and all grey painted world depicted Lithuanian writer's books would bore me to death. Yes we had to read some of world classics as well, but not a lot of them were interesting for a teenager. So I would do aaaaaall that reading and only very few books that I would found interesting. It was different with history, mostly because I'm madly interested in subject. So loads of reading would just realize or explain why, it would open box of secrets . I would not mind dig more to find out more. Therefore I would read to learn. Now - with literature I probably read to realize what author wanted to say a.k.a 'learn about life'. Only life in literature books were so much different from life of mine or anybody's around to tell the truth. Also so many authors so many different values and exposures to life. With the time I learnt that life is easier to learn while experiencing it. (tadah!). Besides possibility that the one will get a book with some ( or any actually) depth in it, something that would make u seriously think is quite low these days. Yes sex and city or eat pray love are great good, entertaining movies and probably based on as good books. Still I go cinema when I want entertainment and read book when want to learn something. If I some shallow reading i grab magazine - I love them!, also use them to learn bout cosmetics and beauty. Can't deny - I did read couple fictional books last year (hey throw a stone if u innocent), for my defence I was on my beach holiday and that novel about hookers life was really involving. But I this was more because internet, tv or radio was not on reach. I didn't get any though out of it ( well my considerations on hooker's life does not really count - not gonna become one any time soon anyway). 
So there - that's my excuse to myself why I haven't read as many books as wish or intelligent young person should! Haha on the other hand I just realised I do not any other form of book than paper.And by just I mean  two audio-books and one 200page pdf file download later.
 Maybe I'm just pointing out notice that book reading is dying as a way of entertainment.

Thursday, November 4

rain and signs

I do like rain. Preferably not 200 days a year. Love to travel in car while its dark and raining ( ha - i don't have driving license yet, that's why). Especially if its long journey. Like the one we would often make to my grandparents, while i was still kid or teenager. In a dark, kids crushed in the back of the car and half a sleep. Easy vehicle swinging and lights ahead in the rain in absolute dark. (coz of course travelling at late night). And you know cheap long journeys from uk or Norway to Lt or similar when 3 nights and 2 days u spend with other couple people in same car. No shower. No entertainment. Just sleep. And when u do awake u just watch the road. I secretly love those travels. Because there is no other feeling like u half asleep watching car lights travelling in rain. You try to absorb the beauty, but all u know : its dark and u moving. Its such a calmness and cosiness.
I guess rain is always nice as long as its on the other side of window :)

I could never tell when guy/person honestly likes me and flirts back and when its just part of his personality or ''fun and chat at work'' thing. Could not read signs with ginger guy, was having doubts about Tomek. Than quite strange relationship with Mat. Until now i'm not sure if there was spark between us or just ordinary girl - boy friendship frustration. ( i will skip frenchman coz he was Very obvious) Than i did not read Camil's signs correctly. gosh i had such a crush on him and thought he just playin around as much as with other girls. Honestly if not his girlfriend, i would get together with my darling Camil. Oh and lets not forget latest one - night porter. he is such a chat and charmer. So of course i enjoyed attention and daily compliments not thinking a lot about it. He was calling every second girl - gorgeous after all!. How do i supposed to know he actually gonna  look at me with puppy eyes later on and almost beg to go out with him. Now he's almost angry coz i said no, no compliments for me any more :(
(I've also just realised that most of my flirts happening with taken guys -WTF?)
So how I supposed to react now when a new boy just stated he agrees with my colleague that we would make a  (perfect was the word?) couple?!. clearer signs, boys,  please!
I mean: yes, i was flirting with him quite heavily,  yes i tease him a lot , but i also thought i made him understand i'm not interested straight after i found out he's 3 years younger. besides didn't he like the other lithuanian girl? ech those boys.

Sunday, July 18


To dream about being back stabbed, even almost coincidently, is never good, right? Dream was about knife and my sore back, but made me bit scared and just reminded i should keep my eyes always open , u don't know who might hurt u. It makes u count ur friend again and value them, not to take them for granted. What one dream and one sore back can do !
On the other note - I'm not drinking black tea and limited amount of coffee because i'm afraid to be addicted. My mom was. I never knew that until grow up, always thought that morning monster in kitchen looking for coffee was normal, that raised voice when coffee tin is empty happening in every home and is a ''norm''. She was addicted and now i'm scared to be. (Ok ok black tea is out of ratio because it makes ur teeth go yellow as well). I once read (in proper smart blog or magazine) that making things opposite how and what ur parents did is normal growing up phase. But once u real adult ( like >25 i imagine) is not acceptable and counted as being childish. But maybe its just learning from other's mistakes. U learn that u can get addicted to coffee, by seeing addicted people, their behaviour. Maybe u just using ur growing up experience to improve urself. We do that constantly in our professional life. Nothing wrong use that in ur out of work behaviour, right?
Or maybe i'm just still childish.

Tuesday, December 29

Here I go. Started to work on my new years resolutions a while ago. Step 1: Booked contemporary dance classes at the dance base for every friday, for 3 months. I know, i know sounds posh and pricey. But in the end I am bit posh and like nice, professional things, and am pretty sure that's what I'm gonna get at the best edinburgh's dance school. Hopefully will work on my motivation. Contemporary dance - who would think. Just thought I'm wayyyy not fit enough for hip hop or jazz dances, but to be fare - it was difficult to decide. After all Latin dances are one of my favourites also.
Anyway there is step 2  as well : one year contract with posh gym chain. its just 15min from my flat and looks realy nice, have a biiiig swimming pool and sauna. And just look tidy and spacious with new equipment. Again - princess have her needs :)) which come with the price. Or pricey debit of my account every month  . On the other hand when alredy put so much money in i will feel guilty do not go to sweat them out. I know i'm lazy, but on 2010 i aint gonna be. My gym induction tomorrow. Nervous, but cant wait.

Thursday, July 3

kirkcaldy/good time/ summer...2008

Even though i can see i havent wrote here for long time; happened so much. And i wrote, just recently somehow used paper version of blog :) I just wanna remeber all those miraculous days i had. And even i occasionally watch my rannoch pics (again) with good memories and sad face, coz i miss people. And, yes there were many oweful things, which somehow i manage do not remember. All i have in my memory is parties, barbeques with people whom i become close with, friends, flirts, a lot of flirts. kisses, both : wanted and rejected. tears when people leaving and confusion when everything starts from begining. i still remember when i came back from scotland after 2006 summer, after my orgnic carrots girls split up - i told myself thats probably my best summer. now i can say that about last summer. And i wish, oh how i wish i could say that about summer that just started. i know myself- someday in late autumn i will sit with those parties pics and will think i was having good time with these people. And i wanna remember all the stuff: probably flirt with american boy, me and Aniko having million pots of coffees in her changing places, parties with my super-ego, exsupervisor, which now is cool club friend, ginger guy's beatbox, my b-i-a-tch, the hungerian girl i love to have laught with. strange after-work drinks with indians and even tibor dancing. the times, when fredi used to ask me out. whole month. and i still said no. the baby chef that thinks he is cute/grown up, who monika had eye on. ah . laught at work. and now i'm thinkning about leaving all this?

Anyway since my sister in town i just somehow dont let myself be lazy at all. again got that passion to travel to my plans. i mean i always had passion. just winter is not really time to do that. Kirkcaldy great me quietly. with kitties on a window of their gallery/museum. did u know that kirkcaldy is famous for linoleum factory?
And i loove that i still remember how places looks like. let's say dundee's shore walk benches looks really similar to kirkcaldy's and it's no-colour brick fence looks alike to the one i saw in aberdeen. the little town by itself cute but my spoilt eye nothing special. just cosy and calm with high street similar to perth's. or in all smaller places in scotland its look alike? Dysart is another topic. even thought in map and tourist information they advice to go for some kind of castle, small exfishermen village many times cuter and eye catchy. with huge open park and sea shore, where i actually stuck my feet in bloody-cold water! maybe its weekday or its not popular destination even for locals the place was quiet. few kids fishing, and few dog-walkers, thats all i met. very tidy, seems just reconstructed walks, they even have some museum, and ridiculously small town hall with tooo overpriced shop in it, as well as playground for kids on a hill facing sea.

Monday, June 9

Paris/leith festival/rush

Don't ask how was Paris. It was Amazing. gorgeous. huge. adventurous. full. and ruined a friendship.

Yesterday accidentally suddenly went to check out one of colleague's beatboxing. And somehow after glass of wine while facing sunset from ocean terminal best side, with nicest view and really not friendliest waiter/supervisor/owner, happened to see one of 'IloveLeith' festivals scienes with bmx, skaters, skateboarders, rappers, breake dancers and beatboxer of course. And even though I'm not really into that culture, it was good to remember my mad bout rap times and be jealous for guys doing that amazing tricks. Although there was some falls. more than some, but anyway. I'm still quiet fan of breake dance. Seems its obvious that after breake theater group performance i saw in Paris anything would look very amateurs. But the group that was performing on Sunday were good. really good. (don't know what girls were doing on scene, though). more imagination good PR and they can go far. Skaters were other thing i was (almost) drooling about. I remember enjoying skating while teen, thought hadn't did that for long time. And bit scary knowing my balance ( or it's nonexistence). Soundtrack of event was the cool stuff. maybe Dj not most talented but got tracks that i just love and they fitted there and than. Almost all lyrics, if there were such , were rollin' in head. And Rory was good. Well honestly didn't like first part, but all other stuff he was doing, controlled the people there.
However surrounded by couples from time to time feel myself dying from wish to have hands that would wrap me. with condition that from time to time means almost every day. Oh well all guys now having exams or sitting in pubs watching football. or both. Anyway we going out on Tuesday. leaving party. not so sad bout people coz: 1. not so long time ago met them. 2. girl - polish (i know , i know, but i don't trust them), guy gets too crazy ( not in good way at all) when drunk.
To do list:
call Rasa
write my sister, look for a job for her
decide what i want THIS summer, and actually start to DO something
write Neringa
write bout Paris, that wouldnt forget all that magic and tragedy.

Friday, June 6


Adams Apples - very good