CAMPUS EUROPAE

thats how is called that program, by which our economicsts and managers course people have opportunity to go to study for one year to foreign university. U DONT IMAGINE HOW I WANT TO GO THERE. whole year in belgium/italy/spain/poland or at least latvia. goooooooosh how i want. but. no i mean BUT i am just at 100ed place from 144, my marks average arent so good, and there prefer two (foreign) languages. no german or russian requaired. but i speak just english and german and russian ( a very little if honestly) and just next semester will begin french. so
i have sooooo low chances got there. at least i have small experiences in living in foreign countries, maybe it will be plus on my application? however it will drive me crazy how i want to go away from home and studies in foreign - is all i need, all i want right now ( not just today or yesterday i mean). so in my tentative counts i need 85 people who have higher averages wouldnt want to go. there are 18 places to go. well in my knowledge half of them really wont go (becouse of silliest reasons or just simply dont want). so i keep my fist other part of 85 people wouldnt want to go also

u know what said my parents about all this -"its not banned to dream"
niiiiice. what support i can expect from them?........ its always so..... even my younger sister kind of supporting my wish this time.

Ordinary Thursday/Lecture/Good mood

It was ordinary day : overslept english lecture ( damn ! again won't see that guy I begun to like , damn damn damn !!) again , it happened three times this week, ok I have half an hour to prepare for next lecture. What ?? Half an hour?? !!!!! Where's my jeans, no coffee or tea....as usually...took conspects, cd and I am running. While waiting bus, ohh what bus, today have to hurry and took microbus, spend some money, soooo while running from microbus to university remembered i locked my kitty at balkony. Huh, nobody wont comeback till 16.00 probably (not talking about me, I don't know when I will get home), well...Today he had to keep a diet and get some fresh cold nowember air for not so short time remembering its just eleven right now :))) everythings was fine- went to two lectures not just to one as I planned coz of lack time, but havent found lecturer I needed badly. however found a company to go to that public lecture-seminar in another university with me, lecture about leadership- should be interesting as I have interest in management and similar stuff. and it was interesting, not so serious as I hoped, half of everything I have known already, but reader/lecturer was young and interesting , caught attention, charismatic person and with crazy coiffure :)) he inspired. and remind that should not forget have visions, dreams.... i needed this. after that called friend, one of best friends. she havent gave me any a sign or call or massage in two weeks. I don't like this. Is this friendship if have met her 3 times per month???? however in recent days was angry on her, but after lecture called just to say hallo and as i said "hear ur voice and be sure u are not dead". walked trough main street in Kaunas while talked. its nice at evening , even it isnt nice lighted, and many people. i like walks at late evenings. thought about guy, remember? - from english lectures. wanna go on date with him. just simply wanna... while walked home listened ashlee simpson - la la. it turns me on , begin walked in that sexy style, almost spoof those pinky style girls overdoing swings with hips while walking.:D near computer taRkan catch my ears shake shake..... brake the rules...

Tarkan - Start the fire.mp3

Self-confidence or self-critical ?

on Monday accidentally had longer than usually talk with one acquintance/kind of uni friend. As usually girl gab and loughts But one thought of her I remember clearly, she said that she don't let her go down - everyday she criticize herself for many things. That's how she reach best for her. At that moment I just tried to show her other side of this and give few arguments in reverse idea. However at evening this her saying give me a loot of thought. Maybe really men can reach more with criticism? Not so long time ago I begun to believe and trust on my self, even become more than 100% self confident (that's why always at skype into compliments answer - I know). I really was deep into believing that's what person need to reach they aim - self confidence.whatever it is - trip to Paris, studies in foreign, learn more than 4 languages, have a perfect husband. So maybe just because of I wasn't trust on myself recently seventeen years, I cant accept that idea so easy? Or is a big question for "normal" people too?
Is person who are self-confident or self-critical can reach more in life?
and now that talk with my study friend hit my persuasions. She really gives me reason reconstruct believes in my head. Besides for warning I want to mention she is not senescent of grey personality or just all the time sitting near books, yes her marks are good and just very good, she is very tolerant and calm girl, well not really interesting in fashion or style things, but active as a student, communicative, maybe more than me,even I pretend are very communicative. So I guess she is kind self confidence inside, just instead demonstrating it she choose harder(?) way -every day look for her mistakes, for her own faults and incorrect in her eyes her behave. Is that type of personality's aren't in bigger risk to let them down and completely loose self esteem. I imagined that I would get overcrtisice myself in such way and than wont be able to even think about my aims, not talking about trying to reach them. Maybe time to let go this persuasion. Do a circle? When was teenager every day hate myself and criticize, than finally let that go that crap and grown up a little with self esteem and more trust on what I doing, now, when talkin about bigger purposes than just growing alive, have come back to self-criticism. Is really for to reach what I want I have every time look for faults, mistakes errors in me, in myself?I don't say I never does. Just not so often and not so cruel few days contemplation I left at harmony. I don't want to ruin my so hard and long builted self esteem, but with more response I will try to look for faults in my business, in other words - not personal life.

sunday morning

Had to wake up early ( as we could call early 9 o'clock) this morning. And when i say had.....thats mean just one - microeconomics. gosh i hate it, the same as mathematical statistics and so on and etc.
11 o'clock already and whole my familly still are in sweet dreams, and i hoped at least to win fight against my heavy eyelids. Hoped to make a pause in those freaky incomprehensible macro sheets, also silly hoped to find a fine chat person for chats in kind of early sunday chats, that others morning would be easier to woke up, but....
Why in skype come just silly turkeys or "wanna fuck, baby?" offerors ?? its sunday morning, just wanted calm talk, something light and inteligent with a cup of tea in hand.
now go, and will see who will win -macro or my sleepiness

most listening now

lithuanian dj duo Ryralio, especialy two sets of them are now in my most listen list , eassy lounge and house are soo pleasure to listen, mmmm... luv ya guys for such admirable buzz to my ears. lauris lee - music of the night.mp3 - 67 minutes relaxation
on title put link to their web.

mmm.......

totally fell in love with life today




Lionel Richie - Just for u.mp3