rain and signs

I do like rain. Preferably not 200 days a year. Love to travel in car while its dark and raining ( ha - i don't have driving license yet, that's why). Especially if its long journey. Like the one we would often make to my grandparents, while i was still kid or teenager. In a dark, kids crushed in the back of the car and half a sleep. Easy vehicle swinging and lights ahead in the rain in absolute dark. (coz of course travelling at late night). And you know cheap long journeys from uk or Norway to Lt or similar when 3 nights and 2 days u spend with other couple people in same car. No shower. No entertainment. Just sleep. And when u do awake u just watch the road. I secretly love those travels. Because there is no other feeling like u half asleep watching car lights travelling in rain. You try to absorb the beauty, but all u know : its dark and u moving. Its such a calmness and cosiness.
I guess rain is always nice as long as its on the other side of window :)

I could never tell when guy/person honestly likes me and flirts back and when its just part of his personality or ''fun and chat at work'' thing. Could not read signs with ginger guy, was having doubts about Tomek. Than quite strange relationship with Mat. Until now i'm not sure if there was spark between us or just ordinary girl - boy friendship frustration. ( i will skip frenchman coz he was Very obvious) Than i did not read Camil's signs correctly. gosh i had such a crush on him and thought he just playin around as much as with other girls. Honestly if not his girlfriend, i would get together with my darling Camil. Oh and lets not forget latest one - night porter. he is such a chat and charmer. So of course i enjoyed attention and daily compliments not thinking a lot about it. He was calling every second girl - gorgeous after all!. How do i supposed to know he actually gonna  look at me with puppy eyes later on and almost beg to go out with him. Now he's almost angry coz i said no, no compliments for me any more :(
(I've also just realised that most of my flirts happening with taken guys -WTF?)
So how I supposed to react now when a new boy just stated he agrees with my colleague that we would make a  (perfect was the word?) couple?!. clearer signs, boys,  please!
I mean: yes, i was flirting with him quite heavily,  yes i tease him a lot , but i also thought i made him understand i'm not interested straight after i found out he's 3 years younger. besides didn't he like the other lithuanian girl? ech those boys.

Backstabbing

To dream about being back stabbed, even almost coincidently, is never good, right? Dream was about knife and my sore back, but made me bit scared and just reminded i should keep my eyes always open , u don't know who might hurt u. It makes u count ur friend again and value them, not to take them for granted. What one dream and one sore back can do !
On the other note - I'm not drinking black tea and limited amount of coffee because i'm afraid to be addicted. My mom was. I never knew that until grow up, always thought that morning monster in kitchen looking for coffee was normal, that raised voice when coffee tin is empty happening in every home and is a ''norm''. She was addicted and now i'm scared to be. (Ok ok black tea is out of ratio because it makes ur teeth go yellow as well). I once read (in proper smart blog or magazine) that making things opposite how and what ur parents did is normal growing up phase. But once u real adult ( like >25 i imagine) is not acceptable and counted as being childish. But maybe its just learning from other's mistakes. U learn that u can get addicted to coffee, by seeing addicted people, their behaviour. Maybe u just using ur growing up experience to improve urself. We do that constantly in our professional life. Nothing wrong use that in ur out of work behaviour, right?
Or maybe i'm just still childish.

Here I go. Started to work on my new years resolutions a while ago. Step 1: Booked contemporary dance classes at the dance base for every friday, for 3 months. I know, i know sounds posh and pricey. But in the end I am bit posh and like nice, professional things, and am pretty sure that's what I'm gonna get at the best edinburgh's dance school. Hopefully will work on my motivation. Contemporary dance - who would think. Just thought I'm wayyyy not fit enough for hip hop or jazz dances, but to be fare - it was difficult to decide. After all Latin dances are one of my favourites also.
Anyway there is step 2  as well : one year contract with posh gym chain. its just 15min from my flat and looks realy nice, have a biiiig swimming pool and sauna. And just look tidy and spacious with new equipment. Again - princess have her needs :)) which come with the price. Or pricey debit of my account every month  . On the other hand when alredy put so much money in i will feel guilty do not go to sweat them out. I know i'm lazy, but on 2010 i aint gonna be. My gym induction tomorrow. Nervous, but cant wait.

kirkcaldy/good time/ summer...2008

Even though i can see i havent wrote here for long time; happened so much. And i wrote, just recently somehow used paper version of blog :) I just wanna remeber all those miraculous days i had. And even i occasionally watch my rannoch pics (again) with good memories and sad face, coz i miss people. And, yes there were many oweful things, which somehow i manage do not remember. All i have in my memory is parties, barbeques with people whom i become close with, friends, flirts, a lot of flirts. kisses, both : wanted and rejected. tears when people leaving and confusion when everything starts from begining. i still remember when i came back from scotland after 2006 summer, after my orgnic carrots girls split up - i told myself thats probably my best summer. now i can say that about last summer. And i wish, oh how i wish i could say that about summer that just started. i know myself- someday in late autumn i will sit with those parties pics and will think i was having good time with these people. And i wanna remember all the stuff: probably flirt with american boy, me and Aniko having million pots of coffees in her changing places, parties with my super-ego, exsupervisor, which now is cool club friend, ginger guy's beatbox, my b-i-a-tch, the hungerian girl i love to have laught with. strange after-work drinks with indians and even tibor dancing. the times, when fredi used to ask me out. whole month. and i still said no. the baby chef that thinks he is cute/grown up, who monika had eye on. ah . laught at work. and now i'm thinkning about leaving all this?

Anyway since my sister in town i just somehow dont let myself be lazy at all. again got that passion to travel to my plans. i mean i always had passion. just winter is not really time to do that. Kirkcaldy great me quietly. with kitties on a window of their gallery/museum. did u know that kirkcaldy is famous for linoleum factory?
And i loove that i still remember how places looks like. let's say dundee's shore walk benches looks really similar to kirkcaldy's and it's no-colour brick fence looks alike to the one i saw in aberdeen. the little town by itself cute but my spoilt eye nothing special. just cosy and calm with high street similar to perth's. or in all smaller places in scotland its look alike? Dysart is another topic. even thought in map and tourist information they advice to go for some kind of castle, small exfishermen village many times cuter and eye catchy. with huge open park and sea shore, where i actually stuck my feet in bloody-cold water! maybe its weekday or its not popular destination even for locals the place was quiet. few kids fishing, and few dog-walkers, thats all i met. very tidy, seems just reconstructed walks, they even have some museum, and ridiculously small town hall with tooo overpriced shop in it, as well as playground for kids on a hill facing sea.

booze knwledge

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OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

Paris/leith festival/rush

Don't ask how was Paris. It was Amazing. gorgeous. huge. adventurous. full. and ruined a friendship.

Yesterday accidentally suddenly went to check out one of colleague's beatboxing. And somehow after glass of wine while facing sunset from ocean terminal best side, with nicest view and really not friendliest waiter/supervisor/owner, happened to see one of 'IloveLeith' festivals scienes with bmx, skaters, skateboarders, rappers, breake dancers and beatboxer of course. And even though I'm not really into that culture, it was good to remember my mad bout rap times and be jealous for guys doing that amazing tricks. Although there was some falls. more than some, but anyway. I'm still quiet fan of breake dance. Seems its obvious that after breake theater group performance i saw in Paris anything would look very amateurs. But the group that was performing on Sunday were good. really good. (don't know what girls were doing on scene, though). more imagination good PR and they can go far. Skaters were other thing i was (almost) drooling about. I remember enjoying skating while teen, thought hadn't did that for long time. And bit scary knowing my balance ( or it's nonexistence). Soundtrack of event was the cool stuff. maybe Dj not most talented but got tracks that i just love and they fitted there and than. Almost all lyrics, if there were such , were rollin' in head. And Rory was good. Well honestly didn't like first part, but all other stuff he was doing, controlled the people there.
However surrounded by couples from time to time feel myself dying from wish to have hands that would wrap me. with condition that from time to time means almost every day. Oh well all guys now having exams or sitting in pubs watching football. or both. Anyway we going out on Tuesday. leaving party. not so sad bout people coz: 1. not so long time ago met them. 2. girl - polish (i know , i know, but i don't trust them), guy gets too crazy ( not in good way at all) when drunk.
To do list:
call Rasa
write my sister, look for a job for her
decide what i want THIS summer, and actually start to DO something
write Neringa
write bout Paris, that wouldnt forget all that magic and tragedy.

Movie

Adams Apples - very good

ah...

Real spring behind window, and real relax in this side of window :) chocolate ice cream, coffee, that taste awfully ( just now remember i don't like coffee actually), cosmopolitan (magazine, not a coctail) , pop music loud on radio and empty house. What else i could ask for my lazy days off? Ok ok don't go to details, coz could print like thousand lines list. So much happened recently and as usually i am to f***ing lazy to write down every little constantly. I'm having weird dreams last few days. Like today i woke up with idea why i don't read and analyze text anymore. U know like in school. Even met my literature teacher in middle of dream, so realistic; she couldn't pronounce R , but sounded not french at all, just like in reality. Anyway she's amazing personality and as much as i didn't like her while in school , now want to visit her when someday comeback, come, go to Lithuania, and say that for her. Just like honest thanks. She one of those rare people that believe i have brains.
Had to write down to my notebook everything happening to me. So since i slept over my Falkirk festival ( came back from work 2am) was working all week till these amazing in all meanings 4 days off in a row. But on Monday had time to go to Shanghai again. Didn't appreciate R'n'B in dance floor at beginning , but more cocktails done their work. :)) Wednesday was the best coz friend who havent seen for half year came for shopping day in Edinburgh. Weather was gorgeous as all week, so great occasion get red tan on my back and shoulders, isn't it? Ach girls day in a city with lots of laughs and gossips, memories from rannoch and first time me being guide of the city. Jealousy for new Lindsay's camera made me decide have one as well. And i will ! just before Paris affair :) Generally almost all week spend in work and west princes gardens enjoying sun, fresh air, smell of just cut grass, Spanish songs and becoming green from jealousy for happy couples.
I had a promise for myself. Some climbing, code name 'Arthur seat'. Done. 15 min. easy peasy. But view. AH....

Was in Botanic gardens as well. Ah real oase of nature in middle of city. Of course if skipping that part that i'm not really interested what leaves growing here next to rock or which family this bush is from. Few nice puddles for birds,plenty of benches for old boned ones, loads of friendly ( as long as u have nuts for them) squirrels, and smell of conifers. The one i really missed. Just bring that sense u really in nature, u 'at home', even kinda remind me yearly vacations in only Lithuanian beach town. relaxation. Oh and it have great view of city from the hill ( full of kids shouting and running to their spaceships :)) very expensive cafe small glasshouse, which part of them can't be entered without opening ur wallets. Anyway tropical house really convincing: humid (breathing don't look such an easy action there) and palm trees high with 3 floor or even more, that coconuts probably would look so small u didn't even want to try it. Somewhere in between glasshouses is room with exposition of architecture(?) + open workshop for kids + some old school music instruments( to try staff patience). Guess its unusual and worth attention, but at the moment personally myself was more concern to find loo (ooops), so can't say a lot bout it. Entrance free. open as remember till 19pm. Worth to visit. Actually i noticed Edinburgh one of those city full of green areas spotted in whole city. Parks, playgrounds, gardens, not only in city centre. I love it. Not many cities have this ( or they hiding it!)

Oh and yesterday. OH yesterday ! sexy massage from friend and El barrios. Best to shake off ur bad thoughts. As once i told my colleague : i don't really like guys there ( don't take it too absolute or racist), so i don't care how i look like = amazingly free dances. And Anikos ex colleague - to boost self esteem. Even stroll home after, which usually not so so comfy in my 'shiny shoes', didn't bother so much as it was good weather and funny guys aside, and of course alco in blood.
Almost didn't forgot my lil sister coming for summer job ( probably) as well as my favourite lithuanian girl. And Aniko inviting me to trip to look for summer job in Spain. ajajaj what to do?

Born to be Spoilt!

...says my underwear that just got from-now-my-favorite-shop 'La Senza'. I don't know what: the fact that stuff are really nice or that u get nice offers for a wide variety stuff that all girls love to choose from :) lingerie. But most charming is the fact that every ur purchase they wrap in deep pink colour wrapping paper. looks just sooooo chick. soooo me. Call me vain, but I do care about the packing of products. Just when read in 'The Undercover Economist' could finally step trough barrier and buy food products of cheap lines ( u know the ones like tesco or asda's rice, sauces and blah blah blah, we have maxima's production like that back in Lithuania) Coz its the same food, just for those who can't afford anything more expensive. Anyway my point was - all those stylish bottles of shampoo or funky/chick/urban elegant packages of any other stuff attracts my eye thousand times more than boring ones, or unmatched coloured ones. Sometimes even feel really sorry that have to buy high quality, lets say body lotion, in one of most ugliest designed bottles . And i'm just one of millions consumers. Not a victim of adds or smth. though, coz usually i just look at those stylish packed things with one of those 'why can't u be mine' or 'oh u are so beautiful i could just buy u right, here right now' stares, but usually (which means i also have weak moments, or paydays :) ) don't buy. Its simply i like pretty stuff (translation : as i said - I'm vain).
Wednesday was a good day. i mean night. goood night. Tired, faraway ( just i manage to leave my ipod at coffee house that closes in 5 min, thanks Nero on Lothian road staff ;) ) and bit pissed off coz of Aniko. Even though her watch is set half an hour ahead, she always late. usually late more than me. bastard. But there was salsa! yummy one hour just flew away so fast while trying to manage that 2 and half turns and crossed mambo steps. And what a good feeling when u finally do it right ! Almost forgot it since the last dance lessons in high school. For a few hours after still could hear teachers ' and again and again' with lovely (spanish?) accent. Later on or should i say true - after salsa lesson jumped to bus and hurry to fire (Beltane) festival, where met other hungerian people and wander around till the rituals started. Its quite cool. Everything based on Celtic culture. In ancient times Celts got 4 quarters as a calendar, instead of 12 months, so when each quarter turns into another one, they celebrate with special ceremonies. As i know Beltane is most important one. Anyway saw all those groups of people in red, blue, green and seems grey ( And when i mean 'in' i mean covered in paints) , also their ancient ''camps'', drank hot chocolate, and tightly fit into crowd of Spanish, french and polish people (where the hell all scotish were??). Can i just mention that those half naked /most of the time- almost naked / guys (planty of girls as well) with painted bodies was as pleasure for eyes as all that festival. And drums....omg drummers were amazing! Havent heard such good rhythms for a long time. wouldn't even call that stuff they played old stylish, maybe they modernised that? well to be honest drums music were amazing mainly on a main show. after hour u could hear them in few separate places, but it was rather monotonous base to create atmosphere than treat for ears. All event was awesome but bit disorganized, got lost after main part where to go, what to watch now. Everything happened at the same time.
Can't imagine how calton hill looked next morning, coz rain was just pouring like out of bucket. Had walk home for 15 completely soaked. oh and such showers where 'attacking' every few minutes and stops as quick as started. What can i say ...Scotland.
Recently got loads of business related with post. Including posting present for my mum, as mummies day in Lithuania happened to be on first Sunday of May. Which can be not so nice if u live in country, lets say UK, who sits calm now, coz brought all flowers/cards/chocolates for mums like two months ago. And now there's no signs that such day exist at all, which can be bit shocking to remember that totally accidentally on Thursday after work (god bless hospitality with all its non-office work hours) and organise send gift at the very same day. Didn't wanna be late, coz post in Lithuania dont work on weekends, and it takes 1-2 days package even to go there. Good daughter *proudly stroking head*

And i really shouldn't stay up so late, so going to enjoy my new gorgeous burgundy red bedding. Am i crazy if buying such things even when I'm just renting a room?
night night